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Can someone please rate my PORN STORY?? Scale of 1-10?
Grace heard a knock on the door. She walked to open it, and saw Kate staring seductively back at her.
"Kate, what are you doing here?" Grace asked.
"Oh, I just thought we could hang for a bit." Kate replied. She followed Grace into the living room where they sat on the sofa and watched TV.
Grace felt the tension between them. "Maybe I should change it to something more appropriate..." she said, getting off the couch and digging in a trunk. She pulled out a lesbian sex DVD.
"Oh, yeah..." Kate whispered.
The two girls sat and watched the movie, each of them growing quietly wetter and wetter. All of a sudden, Kate stood up, and pulled down her panties from under her skirt. She tossed them away, and began to stroke Grace's bare legs, feeling up her skirt and onto her pantie-covered minge.
"Come on, Gracie, don't dissappoint me..." she whispered. She held Grace's fingers and pulled them to her own soaking pussy, where she made Grace's hands move in a rhythm. Grace soon moved of her own accord, slowly but firmly stroking Kate's clit. Kate pulled down Grace's panties, and proceeded to feel Grace's wet pussy.
The two girls undressed each other until they were down to just their bras. Grace pulled off Kate's with her teeth, exposing her huge breasts. Grace began to suck Kate's nipple, nibbling at it, and licking it all over. After she was done, Kate did the same to Grace.
Grace hooked Kate's leg over her shoulder and began to eat her out, penetrating and licking and sucking with her wet tongue. Kate shuddered with happiness. She could feel herself peaking to an orgasm.

Grace slipped her fingers easily into Kate's soaking pussy and began massaging, rubbing, creating that delicious friction they both loved. She suddenly hit Kate's g-spot, and with rhythmic, loving thrusts, she made Kate's body shudder and sigh with the biggest orgasm she had ever had.
Kate repeated the process to Grace, licking and sucking and giving her passionate kisses, feeling her breasts and clit. Suddenly Kate clambered onto Grace, their wet pussys clapping together as they grinded against each other. The slap-slap was the sexiest noise either of them had ever heard.
Then they scissored, and kissed more, and massaged each other's breasts. Grace found her vibrating back massager, and they took it in turns sharing wonderful orgasms. They fell asleep, naked and wet and quivering, after four long hours of glorious sex. They woke up in each other's arms in the morning - and repeated it

It is pretty bad actually. Now bear in mind, I am a published writer, so my standards may be different than other people.

Good erotica is believable - this is not - there is no credulity in the setting or in the sexual actions - this is more of a man's wet dream than an actual sexual encounter between females.

You keep changing voices and tenses as if you do not understand what these are. Past and current mix often and the action is choppy due to this. You simply tell but make no effort to show the reader the action. Such a writing style is VERY dull. Remember even in writing erotica the reader must have some reason to like or care for the protagonist presented. In you writing they are never real people just object with sexual parts and desires.

You need to use more descriptive words. You seem older but your writing is like a boy in his mid teens. You need to show the action and not use terms like Kate did the same to her. You need to say,

Kate trembled as she tried to duplicate the sensations Grace has caused her own nipples, as she slowly took first one and then the other hardened nipple in her mouth and allowed her tongue to explore this new sensation of another woman's breast. Grace's sigh of pleasure told her she was doing fine and her hands began exploring the soft white orbs, while her lips continued to minister to those nipples now incredibly hard and long after being sucked on. Now she understood why men were so fascinated by women's breasts - she was in heaven playing with Grace's bosom.

You get the idea. Be descriptive and show the action - provide insights into the person. Make them come alive and be interesting

Some action is told in quotes others by an unknown narrator It is better if the narrator is known - starting off by saying Kate remembered the day as if it was yesterday not nearly decade ago...